Neo Sol Librarian

It always surprises me who comes to stand beside you in your time of transition, change, awakening, etc. People you haven't spoken to you in a while or even people that you didn't really speak to before your revelation in your life. And vise versa, you'd be surprise at the amount of people that back away from you during your time of change. The people that you believe, wished, hoped, prayed would change with you stay where they are and you, don't necessarily move on but look at the world through a different lens. I don't like saying that people move above and beyond another person's thinking. I think we change lens just like we change glasses. The glasses are no better or no worse, but the correct prescription for the individual to see in front of them. And like glasses we can't force our glasses on anyone else saying they are better. Anyway, I was having a conversation with my big sis from Salem College. (Salem College has a big sis/lil sis t...

Life is changing for me. In a wild and crazy way. I guess I am just realizing how much my life will change through my transition. Everything is so uncertian right now. I don't know who is going to still be here at the end of this process. Will I be able to find a job as a librarian? Will my parents want to see the end result?Will my chosen family still be here? How will I walk into a funeral of a family member? I've been contemplating this and doing some self reflection around this matter. Then I realize that even if I had the best librarian job, my parents became accepting of the fact that I once before identified as a lesbian, that I could not offend anyone that came in contact with me, would I really be happy? Basically what I am asking is, can I go back? Can I go back to being a stud. Can I be a masculine woman and come to terms with that? Through my process, I have not only worked towards transitioning my body, but also my mind as well. Self revelation is a mutha*****. Es...

Between masculinity and femininity. The differences between the two are not very definite. I started to realize this at the library. At work, I don't usually get called any pronouns. I guess most people don't know what I am until I start talking But if they do, it is usually ma'am or her. And I usually get called ma'am usually about 5-8 times a day working with the public. (I'm not anal for knowing this number. I'm conducting an experience surrounding pronouns). Anyways, I usually leave the top button of my button downs open, but that day I decided to button it up. Not once did I get called ma'am or her. People didn't use any pronouns with me. Now I'm not saying that because I buttoned up my top button that it changed people's perception of me as appearing female, but it did get me thinking about the differences between masculinity and femininity. The line between the two is very thin and fragile. Think about it. Women, go get some men's clot...

I had a long conversation with my Dad last night. This is unusual. My Dad and I don't really communicate all that much. I haven't told my parents about my transition, but ever since I came out as being gay in college, conversation for each other has been limited. And it's been limited for me and my Mom too. It's like if it doesn't concern school or work, they don't care to ask about it. I do a lot more than school and work these days (at least I try to). School and work are only a portion of who and what I am involved in. And because they either are not interested/ don't care to know/ or are waiting for me to tell them, conversation with them both is limited. Anyway, after listening to my Dad talk to me and the way he thinks of me now (his baby girl) and how much his world is going to change when I come out as Trans. I think about his mental stability and how I may affect whether or not he may teeter back and forth of being mentally stable and off kilter. I ...