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I'm fucking awesome, in spite of being a target

I'm tired of feeling like I can't do anything. I'm not going to wallow. I refuse to worry. And I will continue to resist so that I may live. And I'm going to live so loud today that I'm going to hype my own damn self up:

I am a Black transman of Southern background. My parents know that I am trans. They don't understand, but they know and we still talk and have good times together.  My Grandma is 89 years old and thinks that I am smart and uses the correct pronouns when addressing me. My sister hung up on me when I told her that I told her that I was transitioning 9 years ago. She said that I would always be her sister and hung up. She called back 5 minutes later in tears saying that she was sorry. It's been Big Bro ever since. I stand on the shoulders of bootleggers, bail bonds professionals, teachers, ministers, dope dealers, alcoholics and the wayward. And that is just my immediate family. 
Because I am a Black transman, my extended family is great as well. I stand on the shoulders of queer people from the beginning of time. From the two-spirited people of the indigenous people of the Americas, to the queer forgotten of the Transatlantic slave trade, James Baldwin and Bayard Rustin of the Civil Rights and Marsha P. Johnson of Stonewall and all others that have fought for both black liberation and queer identity and acceptance. 
I've lived the life of a young girl, a butch lesbian and a transman. My lens is so multi-faceted, it confuses me at times, but its powerful. Why? I honestly don't know. But what I do know is that the internal work that I have done on myself to get to this point would not have come without transitioning. I take myself out of myself a lot to see other's perspective.  I value my perspective and it is often sought.
I'm newly married and I am lucky enough to share the marriage with my best friend. My best friend has known me from before transitioning and they love me now in transition. Is everything perfect? HELL NO! But we listen and we try which says a lot.
I'm a librarian by profession and a writer and lover of libations by passion. I've worked in libraries for over 10 fucking years. I've done everything from hold drum circles, sign language seminars, African American History art exhibits, Open Mics, writing sessions and have been personal tech support for so many strangers. I work for one of the best library systems in the Carolinas. And to top it off, the specific library I work is rooted in African American culture, if from nothing else but from the surrounding historically Black neighborhood that has continued in spite of the upheaval of many during Charlotte's "urbanization" era where Black people were uprooted from their homes in Uptown and assigned their new area in West Charlotte. Queer black people deserve to share this library space and I want to welcome them. I am beyond honored to be a part of the history of the library I work for. I'm out as trans to some of my co-workers now and as time and the nation continues to change, I feel more of a sense to tell all my co-workers that I am trans. Why? Because I want to live more freely. That is a world I want to live in. And I need them to know that some people think that I should be dead and deserve nothing.
I have my own LLC and just paid a fucking exorbitant amount to in taxes to continue to hold my name. I dream. I want to connect with others and find commonalities and celebrate and build from our uniqueness. I want to make a living doing that. Bringing people together for a good time is literally built into my DNA. From my Grandma Bea and her legendary liquor house Greenville, SC to Minister Davenport, my grandfather, bringing people together every Sunday under the umbrella of worship and fellowship in Clinton, SC.  I want to make a living bringing that vibe. I use to think money was the goal, but it's what you do with the money. And a lot of what I would do with the money, I can do now.





Look at me. I've helped you. I've comforted you. I've encouraged you. I've beaten myself up over you. I've been your confidant. I've been your mentor. I've held your baby. I've held your hand. I've taught your grandparent/ mother/ cousin how to use a computer/smartphone/ tablet/ TV/ hotspot/ gaming system. I was the one you interviewed for the paper/ TV news/ radio spot all in the name of the library.
I've been that guy that likes craft beer. I've given you beer tours. I've shared homebrew with you. I've chosen your beer selections. I've given you local beer history and engaged for hours about beer with groups from 5-30+ strangers. I was the one that gave you that extra beer term that you didn't know that now you impress your friends with. I was the one that suggested that beer that is your go-to now.
I've been that dude that continues to create in spite of outside forces beyond my control trying to kill me. 

I'm THAT nigga. And my life matters. 
#BLACKLIVESMATTER

PS: Because we all need to know where queer people are in history. Because they are. 
https://www.nyclgbtsites.org/theme/the-harlem-renaissance/
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