Note: I think when I'm saying societal norms, I really mean gender norms. But I'm posting as is because, you know, learning.
Societal norms...I think I think about them more than the average person. Maybe I'm wrong. But as a transman, I'm forever having to think about societal norms. Most of it is really for my own safety (can't be too gay everywhere). Especially at work when I am immediately perceived as just one thing (a Black man) and am expected to act accordingly. And if I don't act accordingly, everything from rejection to an altercation can happen. Only when I think about the expectations that the public has of me simply based off my outward appearance does it become maddening. Some times, I find myself not saying much because of lack of what to say or how to react. Like car maintenance talk. If it doesn't involve deciding between high mileage oil changes and regular, I'm not that much of a conversationalist (I'm not even sure if I described the oil changes right). But also, it serves a personal purpose (which I'm not sure is all that positive) which is that it allows me to be a man and have that reflected back at me, both the good and the bad expectations. The opening of doors and the heavy lifting, I enjoy. Being expected to break up altercations is not me. I'm too pretty for that. But it makes me feel a lot more whole within myself to have these interactions.
But I like observing societal norms because as a society we break them all the time. We break them in our families, with our intimate and passive relationships, even when we think about our hobbies and interest, a lot of them are decided and shared with the rest of the world depending on who is listening and how it will be perceived by others. Like this Reddit for "Straight Men Who Knit". I mean it's posted like a Craiglist ad. Very discreet. Only looking for straight men on what they think about telling women that you knit. Why? Wouldn't asking other women about what they think be a better option? But because knitting/sewing has been socially constructed to be associated with women, men doing the same task is taboo (but who sews patches for men in the military? Or single people?).
Another interesting one that came up recently was the sexualizing of certain professions, the most notable being nurses and librarians. Both these positions have gone through the societal norms draft and came out as being assigned to just women. And not just women, but sexy women. How sex got associated with incisions and microfiche but that is where we are. Librarians and nurses are still, in 2020, shown in sexualized ways ON THE JOB all the time (mind you, both these professions deal with germs. Still not sure how germs and sex got matched....oh, chlamydia). I really think that these two positions particularly got looped into the sexy professions because people in these positions are typically seen as non-confrontational and meek (which is typical for all public servant positions outside of law enforcement) therefore, they must want to submit to a man. Of course, the people that still think this haven't been in a library in the last 50 years either so there's that.
But also, particularly lately, I'm considering the consequences of accepting societal norms and not analyzing and breaking down why we even do them. Like the Reddit guy. He said he had been knitting for a year without telling anyone. Imagine your new favorite thing to do (mines is Animal Crossing: New Horizons right now) and you couldn't share it with anyone. Would you even continue to do it? Would you even enjoy it if you had to keep it a secret? (Wow, this is tapping into a lot of my feelings around being stealth and out. Wasn't expecting that). But either way, we are social people and we like sharing what we know (we are such gossipers at heart). And if we are hiding the joys of our life from others, what does that internally do to person? I'm not saying that my dude from Reddit is going through an existential crisis or anything, but can many of these instances where your true being is not allowed build up over time? And if it built up over time, couldn't it cause deeper physe damage?
And we already have seen the damage that societal norms have on the nurses and librarians profession. There is still a population of people that still get gobsmacked when they get a male nurse. Or get embarrassed when they are mistaken for the doctor (which is some bullshit societal norms).
IDK. The more I write about it societal norms the more I see how the power of othering can be put in the hands of some really fucked up people. Because I practice the societal norms assigned to me by society and you don't, I now have licenses to find you less than. Even being a transman, I've been guilty of that. Toxic masculinity is even embedded in masculine of center trans folks community. It's American.
Societal norms...I think I think about them more than the average person. Maybe I'm wrong. But as a transman, I'm forever having to think about societal norms. Most of it is really for my own safety (can't be too gay everywhere). Especially at work when I am immediately perceived as just one thing (a Black man) and am expected to act accordingly. And if I don't act accordingly, everything from rejection to an altercation can happen. Only when I think about the expectations that the public has of me simply based off my outward appearance does it become maddening. Some times, I find myself not saying much because of lack of what to say or how to react. Like car maintenance talk. If it doesn't involve deciding between high mileage oil changes and regular, I'm not that much of a conversationalist (I'm not even sure if I described the oil changes right). But also, it serves a personal purpose (which I'm not sure is all that positive) which is that it allows me to be a man and have that reflected back at me, both the good and the bad expectations. The opening of doors and the heavy lifting, I enjoy. Being expected to break up altercations is not me. I'm too pretty for that. But it makes me feel a lot more whole within myself to have these interactions.
But I like observing societal norms because as a society we break them all the time. We break them in our families, with our intimate and passive relationships, even when we think about our hobbies and interest, a lot of them are decided and shared with the rest of the world depending on who is listening and how it will be perceived by others. Like this Reddit for "Straight Men Who Knit". I mean it's posted like a Craiglist ad. Very discreet. Only looking for straight men on what they think about telling women that you knit. Why? Wouldn't asking other women about what they think be a better option? But because knitting/sewing has been socially constructed to be associated with women, men doing the same task is taboo (but who sews patches for men in the military? Or single people?).
Another interesting one that came up recently was the sexualizing of certain professions, the most notable being nurses and librarians. Both these positions have gone through the societal norms draft and came out as being assigned to just women. And not just women, but sexy women. How sex got associated with incisions and microfiche but that is where we are. Librarians and nurses are still, in 2020, shown in sexualized ways ON THE JOB all the time (mind you, both these professions deal with germs. Still not sure how germs and sex got matched....oh, chlamydia). I really think that these two positions particularly got looped into the sexy professions because people in these positions are typically seen as non-confrontational and meek (which is typical for all public servant positions outside of law enforcement) therefore, they must want to submit to a man. Of course, the people that still think this haven't been in a library in the last 50 years either so there's that.
But also, particularly lately, I'm considering the consequences of accepting societal norms and not analyzing and breaking down why we even do them. Like the Reddit guy. He said he had been knitting for a year without telling anyone. Imagine your new favorite thing to do (mines is Animal Crossing: New Horizons right now) and you couldn't share it with anyone. Would you even continue to do it? Would you even enjoy it if you had to keep it a secret? (Wow, this is tapping into a lot of my feelings around being stealth and out. Wasn't expecting that). But either way, we are social people and we like sharing what we know (we are such gossipers at heart). And if we are hiding the joys of our life from others, what does that internally do to person? I'm not saying that my dude from Reddit is going through an existential crisis or anything, but can many of these instances where your true being is not allowed build up over time? And if it built up over time, couldn't it cause deeper physe damage?
And we already have seen the damage that societal norms have on the nurses and librarians profession. There is still a population of people that still get gobsmacked when they get a male nurse. Or get embarrassed when they are mistaken for the doctor (which is some bullshit societal norms).
IDK. The more I write about it societal norms the more I see how the power of othering can be put in the hands of some really fucked up people. Because I practice the societal norms assigned to me by society and you don't, I now have licenses to find you less than. Even being a transman, I've been guilty of that. Toxic masculinity is even embedded in masculine of center trans folks community. It's American.
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