Neo Sol Librarian

Before and Now (2008 & Present) Life Updates: Still writing, still not fully employed.  I'm doing a self preservation project of downloading tagged photos of myself from Facebook. At first I thought it was a vain thing, but then realized it's a chronicle of my physical transition. Hell, I've never done a side by side comparison like the one above as I've seen all trans folx do who physically transition.  After 10+ years, I'd forgotten what I looked like. I'd forgotten how white Salem was. I'd forgotten the dumb shit we'd felt worthy of documenting. I looked pretty happy in that bubble.  Clicking through artifacts of formative years, I can't help but think once again why am I trans? And not only am I trans, but I've made choices towards physical transition. But why did I feel it necessary to make those choices? There are plenty of closeted trans people in the world. People that fantasize in the dark because the dark is the only place they feel...

Through this journey of reading, writing and finding my own voice in writing, an unexpected question has repeatedly entered into my thoughts.  Why are am I trans?  For many the answer is simple: because I am. And this is a valid answer. A part of being trans is allowing the world to see you in a truer form than what societal standards allow. But for me (and speaking only for me. Transpeople aren't a monolith), being trans was a way for me to always stay grounded in my butch self.  My butch self started materializing in college. I remember taking my first trip to the local Wal-Mart with my own money in my pocket. I left with a standard dyke getup: cargo shorts and a flannel zip-up. I felt like hot shit.  Going to an all-women's college did nothing but boost my ego, something I was fortunate to experience. I could swagger across campus, dripping in masculine energy, and people would respond. Ladies would respond. All kinds of ladies. A reaction I never got as I was kno...

               The Lunar Eclipse is the unpopular sister of Solar Eclipses. They come around way too often like that one family member that doesn’t know how to go home. So naturally, I never sought them out, only crowding around with the masses during the more popular Solar Eclipses. But since I’ve been writing sci-fi again, I’ve fallen back into an old love of space. Consuming short stories on Clarkesworld . Getting updates on today’s space race on Space.com . And a lot of looking up at the sky at night trying to catch the ISS going by . It’s funny, as we get older if an interest doesn’t make you money, we are encouraged to disregard hobbies and interest so easily. Leave it behind like bad relationships. But I used to love looking at the potential of what is beyond Earth. I even had a telescope I never learned to use correctly. But the desire was there. And when I did get creative enough to write, the content was based on different otherwo...

It's been a year since resigning from the library. It nearly took me that long to get it to stick that I resigned and didn't quit. It may not have been pretty or what is deemed "professional", but I'm better for it.  I miss the library, but I don't miss how working at the library made me feel. I think of program ideas and different ways of serving library members all the time. Testing TikTok hacks. Tutorials on Kindle Direct Publishing. Resume Writing in a Gig Economy. I don't know when I will stop mentally formulating potential library programs. Maybe it will come to some use later. Who knows.  But there is still apparent hurt there. I nearly had a panic attack voting because it was at a local library. I couldn't brave my old library which is much closer. I'm embarrassed I didn't leave more on my terms. My co-workers deserved that. But sometimes what is needed can't be done the "right way".  I still feel guilty, leaving my co-wor...

Dad and I been talking about cryptocurrency a lot. We hold opposing views on the matter, but the only argument I could come up with in the moment was that it seems sketch (which is about the equivalent to his "I'm gonna figure it out" response for starting).  But I think I do have thoughts on it. Thoughts I don't know what do do with, but I still find important to note. I may not be a crypto owner, but I'm a Black trans dude in America, so anybody with money and power impacts my life in some way.   For crypto to work, there must be a class of "way less than". A populace that will perpetually live without a need met. The markets fluctuate and rigging the system is comprehensible and replicable. People like you and me have to put money in these markets to work. But only a few know how to work this market. But isn't this just as bad as the current stock market? The idea of having a decentralized monetary system that can be a kind of backup system to the...

Still writing this way. If you want a life update, I did very convoluted update post here . But I wanted to share this Medium post I wrote. Hope get something out of it. Cheers! Mustard Seed of Niche And no, I’m not religious. While Christianity is deep seeded within American society, I do not claim any religion as my own. I’m more of a “Commune with Nature” kind of guy. Like most new writers, I’m still discovering what my niche is. I have many interest. Sometimes I can be flighty. But I’m recognizing what has stuck around all my life and have an urge to add more energy, time and resources into those things. One of the things has been writing. Like a lot of us, writing has been a form of expression. A way to communicate to others ideas, concepts and narratives. And in the process of trying to convey my own ideas, concepts and narratives, I realized that I was just writing to see what stuck. The intent was to get read by as many people as possible. I’m realizing now that writing to just...

 For some reason it has been bugging me to do this. I don't know why. Maybe it's to say to myself that I'm still trying. Maybe, in some way, I feel obligated to the people that helped me along my librarianship life. Or maybe it's for the people being nosy.  But I'm doing a life update. If for nothing else, to note that I'm still existing, which I thought I wouldn't be if I left my job.  - I'm still writing: It hasn't been the easiest thing. Some days are a wash. No progress towards anything. But I'm still curious. I look at things differently.  And because of this, I feel a lot more present in life. I didn't know how much of a no-participant in life I'd become.  - Failure, but not crippling: There have been many failures thus far. And I say failures, because when I compare it to what I think is expected of me, it's a failure. Failed career. Failed interviews. AND failed personal expectations. And even as I write these successions of f...

For reference to what the hell a Memex is, see my previous blog with links . Circa 2016 8:30 am- Gave proprietor morning salutations. Reviewed weather and current traffic conditions: 67 degrees Fahrenheit within the city of Charlotte, NC, Friday, May 19, 2090. Morning traffic is steady with no accidents along intended route.  Notified proprietor of low charge on vehicle. 100% charge can be obtained before departure if plugged in within 3 minutes 42 seconds.  8:35 am- Reminded proprietor of nutritional needs and suggested an appropriate meal of grapefruit and soy toast. Proprietor replaced high sugar content cereal and opted for healthier option. Notations made to nutritional charts and calorie tracker.  9:18 am- Reminder sent to complete testosterone injection before traveling.  Sent late travel warning. Updated travel conditions: Heavy traffic noted along route due to accidents.  Warned that probability for collision would increase given current traffic conditi...

I got on a tangent of what a Memex is while reading a Medium article by Cory Doctorow .  If you need to get caught up on what a Memex is, here is a Wikipedia article that you probably could have looked up yourself, but I made that link pretty easy for you right? In short, a memex is a device concept that would record your recollections for later use. You could store volumes of encyclopedia and other reference along with your recollections and use both forms of data to make better data that can be used in the real world. For example, say you are a hairdresser that also does their own hair. From photos of your own hairstyles alongside the ones of your clients, your Memex, in theory, could summarize data that could possibly tell you which hairstyle takes the least amount of time but still meets your everyday standards.  Of course this concept eventually led to a lot of what we have today. There is a great article by Brewster Kahle breaking down how the concepts of the Memex are f...

I've wasn't going to post this because it's a bunch or rambling. But after reading this article  from Cory Doctorow, it changed my opinion on these ramblings.    What will it be like to be Black in space? Because y'all know we will be there.  It may be ugly, magnifying humanitarian injustices we face on Earth. Can you imagine it going unchecked in the infinite universe? Running rampant in hidden sectors, creating isolated bubbles of continual subjugation? We may be limited to a seperate part of an infinite galaxy. Or be contract slaves transported between planets and outpost.  It's easy to distopianize the Black experience in space. The past seems to reinvent and recreate itself within tight loops for Black folx. Why wouldn't the same racial and cultural injustices follow us into the great expanse?  Maybe the ever present threat of death by vacuum could squash racial injustices? Maybe the bombardment of microaggressions would cease to exist once we wer...

I'm a little late with this one. But I wanted to save this one for closer to Thanksgiving. Chosen family is everything to this Black transdude, no matter how long it's been since we've connected.  Since I've been writing these past reflections I find my personhood becoming more concrete. Sometimes as a transman, my existence is fleeting. Sometimes walking into a room means leaving too much at the door. Sure we all have to leave some parts of ourselves at the door when walking into a room of our peers or co-workers. But how can you bring about collaboration if pieces of ourselves are not considered, our existence isn't fully recognized? But since reflecting on these queer moments, I feel myself coming more into focus. Almost like the fine tuning that is done at the eye doctor. Not blinded per se. I could see my existence in the most basics of senses. A weird form in front of me. But now coming into more focus, and seeing the details, I have some gratitude for just li...

Nothing new to report that anyone would care about but things are going. This one is related to dress up so it's appropriate for the upcoming holiday in which we all dress up and pretend to be someone else for the night. Cheers!  Funny Queer Shit: That One Kris Kross Concert      One thing that we don't realize until later in life is that our parents, in their own unique ways, have a good time. Along with cookouts and road trips, one of my parents many ways of having a good time is going to concerts. My sister and I have been along for the ride on a number of these occasions: standing in auditorium seats to see MC Hammer, seeing Earth, Wind and Fire on fair grounds while hot air balloons floated in the background. We even saw Janet Jackson and the beloved Velvet Rope tour. Truely, magically shit.     I also didn't realize until later in life that going to a concert is expensive as fuck! First you have to find 1, 2, 3, 4 tickets for the family to go. Then yo...

3 months since leaving the library.  Trumpet Creeper Before Trumpet Creeper After For the first time I feel like I'm working for myself. Do I have goals? Yes! Do I have a plan? Yes! Have I made a dime from writing? Not yet. But I'm not deterred, which is new for me.  Do I feel like a bum? Sure. Am I anxious to start making money again? You bet your ass I am! Do I want to hop into the first thing that pops up? Not at all. I'm not ready. If some time in the future getting extra income becomes necessary then, hell yeah! But it's not necessary. I'm giving myself permission to at least try whatever it is I'm trying right now. I still don't know what I'm doing. But the not knowing is at least planned. It's my Dad's birthday this month and he's in this one. Another installment of Funny Queer Shit That One Basketball Game     As a baby queer, I was very quiet. Observant. Looking for cues on how to act in certain situations. I never would have dreamed...